Malachy has too much time on his hands and likes to embellish stories so that people will talk to him. That's him on the right.

He co-writes with Gizmo who is the very best boy

Emily Aherne was raised very well and is too polite to tell Mal to fuck off when he asks her to direct his mid-life crisis

Neal is a Theatre Director and Teacher who’s really glad he gets a break from all that Theatre stuff by doing this. His stint as Disco has made complete strangers comfortable telling him to shut up and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

Story sham, Seán here. First time for everything and I plan on being the next Cillian Murphy. BANGING. I’m just a small town boy from mullingar, and if Mal, a short balding lad from the midlands can make it, I might have a chance.

Eilish is an actor and theatre facilitator who Galway got her claws into 14 years ago and just won't let go. Making art (and whatever this is) makes her very happy.

Tessa is fucked if anyone is having the craic without her being involved and has gone full method with her role. She is currently locked up.

Mark isn't too sure what is going on but everyone keeps telling him that everything is going to be ok. He finished 8th in the community games 4x100m relay because he got lost

 Jack hasn't realised that this isn't real life and is totally ambivalent to the whole project.

Ethan is hotly tipped to be the first Irish James Bond except that Pierce Brosnan bet him to it 30 years ago and he can't tell the time on a clock watch

Hi I’m Lilymay and I’m only here because I’m a child of nepotism. My first birthday in the GPO was the party of the year. I was so excited when Mal asked me to do costumes because I have always wanted to put together historically accurate costumes for a period piece.

 When she is not making mustard Cassidy dreams of being involved with a successful theatrical production. Her Quest goes on.

Melissa is a science student and doesn’t know how the hell she ended up here, thought she was just going for a few quiet pints and now her head hurts

Jess is a director and producer, who loves running round Galway’s westend acting the maggot and putting on shows. She share’s the same name as the character she play’s so, here we are. 

Enda is making a list and checking it twice. If your names not down you're not getting in.

 Ruda is the very best girl.

Eoghan brings a level of professionalism to proceedings that was never envisaged or thought possible when the play was written on the back of a beermat.

James is known for pressing the space bar on someone else’s MacBook to play someone else’s sounds while reading someone else’s script

Anthony studied in the Raymo school of contemporary carpentry before leaving Old Mervue on the 410 bus to San Francisco when he played Rains Down in Africa for the first time.

 Lauren makes things look like stuff. She is a semi-pro placer of said things